Category Archives: Funchilde – isms

Culture, Ear Holes (music), Eye Holes (books/film), Family & Friends, Fitness Files, Funchilde - isms, Laughs, Life. Love. Laughs., People, Photos, Pie Hole (Food), Travel, Work. Life. Money.

Not Drunktastic

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Sorry I’ve been off the grid the last few days. Work is getting busier by the week including new trips on the horizon (a return trip to Miami and a trip up to Toronto and Montreal). After the hustle of the last few weeks I was ready for a mini-road trip and headed down to Maryland where I met up with The Entreprenuer (TE) and The Attorney (TA). TE is a photography aficionado and TA is a “culture vulture” so we hit the Corcoran Musuem for the Annie Leibovitz exhibit: A Photographer’s Life.

The exhibit was really amazing. I loved her portraits of Jamie Foxx, Oprah, Colin Powell and a couple of shots of Serejevo and Rawanda the most. Wandering the museum with TE and TA was also a pleasure because we all felt comfortable going our own way so that we could linger where we wanted and get drawn into whatever compelled us. I loved how most of the photographs were black & white, but every now and then there’d be something in glorious color. Likewise most of the photographs were pretty large, but there were groupings of small prints that forced you to get intimate with the exhibit (wait, that didn’t come out right).  There was also an Ansel Adams exhibit in-house and that was interesting though I’m not a big fan of landscape photography.

We ended up acting a fool and having a good time which led us to drinks and bad, bad (but oooh so good) food at Gladys Knight’s Chicken and Waffles in DC and a late night, raucous showing of Tyler Perry’s new movie: Why Did I Get Married? Now if you’ve ever been to an African American film, at an African American theatre, with a packed African American audience, I don’t need to tell you what went down. Let’s just say that everybody had a good time and thought that the characters on the screen could hear their individual comments.

Sunday, TA insisted on watching Inside Washington so I mustered up the energy to hit the workout room and put in some time on the treadmill to combat the previous evening’s fried goodness and preempt the afternoon’s revelry.  TE picked us up and we headed out to Linganore Winery where we met up with The Politician (TP) for the Jazz and Wine festival. And by festival I mean hundreds of people, in camp chairs with coolers full of crackers, cheese, grapes and summer sausage. It was great to see a diverse crowd (ethnicity, age, families, LGBT, groups of friends, etc) and to relax in the sunshine on a near perfect day listening to the David Bach Consort and wondering when exactly we became our parents? Wait, we’re not our parent’s yet but these two are.

Despite the wonderful nectar available (I highly recommend the Skipjack, TE’s favorite and the Sangria, TA’s favorite) no one was “Drunktastic” at least not in our group. But there were a few others who may have been. To include the 3 women next to us who drank at least 5 bottles of wine, the old white dude who kept hitting on all the older black women, the barefoot hippie teenagers twirling and kicking up dust, and the saxonphone player who kept coming out into the crowd to check out women. I joked at one point that there was only two ways that the day could be better, and one of them actually came to fruition. And thats all I’m gonna say about that!

Family & Friends, Funchilde - isms, Life. Love. Laughs., Lists

Amen to That

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add more wine, originally uploaded by funchilde.

[1] Thanks to everyone for the well wishes and support for my Mom and My Grams. Things are still kind of ??? but, holding steady for the moment and sometimes that’s like the best thing in the world isn’t it?

[2] Happy Belated Birthday to my most loyal Blog Reader and favorite Ex-Mother-in-Law: Ms. Darleen! In the midst of the madness I totally forgot her special day which I haven’t done in…what 10 years? I’m not going to worry about early-heimers just yet.

[3] Thanks to one of my best buds The Entreprenuer (TE) who called me on Friday afternoon and said:

TE: What are you doing?
Me: I’m at work fool! What are YOU doing?
TE: I’m gonna hop the 8pm flight up to New England, pick me up at the airport.

Fortunately, TE and I are very similar in temperament and expectations and whenever I started to plan out the day(s) she would yell “Quit Planning!” and well, everything worked out. It was just what I needed after the emotional upheaval of the previous week, all the travel of the previous weeks and the fact that there are 4 black folks up here and a familiar caramel brown face was much appreciated and needed more than I knew.

[4] FYI, Heineken Light is awesome. sort of. You can drink 3 in a row, not blow your calorie budget, your cash budget or your “cookies” –whatever that means to you–however you will also not: a) look at all cool b) get any kind of buzz and c) you WILL have to pee seventy-eleven times that night. Just thought you might want to know. 99 calories of goodness. Oh…I just found out Rolling Rock Light only has 86 calories!

[5] The Entreprenuer & I met up with Papaya (1 of the 4 other brown people in town) and her colleague McNutts for drinks and dinner, wherein we discussed: a) Best Dates b) Worst Dates c) Gay Male Identifying paraphenelia (sp?) d) My firmly held belief that anyone who doesn’t own Michael Jackson’s “Off The Wall” album is not “dateable” e) the clarification of “Back Room Racoon” –I can’t even get into that right now f) How I am determined to set Papaya up with one of my best friends aka “The Attorney” because “The Doctor” is currently in lurve with a woman he met at the Burning Man festival and g) Papaya’s firmly held belief that anyone who attends or wants to attend the Burning Man Festival is not “dateable”…..so, I may not have learned anything, but at least I only consumed 297 beer related calories. Amen to That!

Anything But Golf!, Funchilde - isms, Life. Love. Laughs.

All There Is

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I played golf with one of my housemates yesterday. We went out to the local practice holes (free) and walked the course, shot the breeze and enjoyed the sunshine and New England fall weather. There was no one else around and as we crested one hill, we saw a huge doe and her two fawn.

We were crazy close, so close in fact that I was wondering what I would do if she charged us. But I was nonetheless captivated by their beauty, it felt like a gift to happen upon them there. They looked at us, we stood as still as possible so as not to ruin the moment. All there is, moments like these, stretched between bills, work, heartbreak, disappointment, expectations, new directions, second chances, the first blush of love, responsibilities, maturity. Life is so amazing.

Family & Friends, Funchilde - isms, Life. Love. Laughs., Lists, People, Photos, Travel, U.S., Work. Life. Money.

Wish You Were Here

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hard rock hotel pool, originally uploaded by funchilde.

[1] Dear Hard Rock Hotel, I am enamored of your pool area. However, all of your waitstaff look like extras from a bad teen Disney movie. I am impressed with your level of open-mindedness. I’m not sure I would’ve hired the guy with the tattoos on his neck, arms and knuckles. I was however, mildly amused that his right-hand knuckles sported to word “lost” and those on his left hand “soul.” Truth in advertising never ceases to amaze me, tell “Dru” I said hi. You all do however, brew the best iced-tea ever.

[2] Dear Ford & Volvo motor company(ies), Thank you for throwing the best “Grown and Sexy” party I’ve been to ever. I thoroughly enjoyed the indoor/outdoor fabulousness of the Blue Martini lounge. Your choice of DJ was superb, a mix of old school hip hop and R&B including a “Tupac retrospective” and an “ode to Michael Jackson’s “Off The Wall” album”-brilliant.

Also, your signature martini with the flashing blue “ice-cube”…lovely, in form and function. Thanks for the free drink tickets. We tipped Tiffany VERY well, considering we ate our weight in meatballs, german chocolate cake and had a “never ending” dirty martini (damn you Nate, Tammy & B!).

[3] Dear Shaquille O’Neal & Penny Hardaway, Thank you for gracing the Blue Martini lounge with your very tall presence. I’m just as glad as you are that everyone kept their cool, noone bothered you and that VIP was stocked with food to fill your ginormous bodies. I hope that you both avoid unwanted stalkers, paternity suits, STD’s and late night phone calls from all of the ladies throwing themselves at you. But you’re probably used to that by now.
[4] Corey Bayne Wowers (name changed to protect the guilty), Thank YOU for the most hilarious quotes of the week. You easily topped last year’s gems by being both endearingly ghetto-country fabulous and street-smart. My favorites (I swear this was from an actual conversation):

“I shoot good with a shotgun!”
“I swear, dude was fishin’ out the car window while we was ridin’ down the highway.”
“My wife is country, she can cook ANYTHING.”
“I don’t do violence against women, but a man…..he fair game.”
“I had to take off my clothes, so the cops couldn’t see me. It was night time.”
”With the right seasonings, alligator taste pretty much like chicken.”

[5] Stella, I don’t even know what to say. Pure foolishness and comedy. Thanks for dinner. You owed me after sticking me with that lunch check. Who orders a “triple” cocktail? You.

[6] Dear bed, I love you. I want to take you out behind a middle school and get you pregnant*.
*30 Rock Reference

[7] Denny’s we do not love you. Fortunately your more attractive cousin, IHOP, came to our rescue. Along with Tammy’s pleading and the best.cab driver.ever. I’m not sure that there’s anything better than french toast at 3am.

[8] Akil & Siddiq, how did you manage to escape my camera lens? And Siddiq, how many martinis did you have before you took this photo?

[9] Dear Reader, yes, yes in fact I DID get some work done!

PS: Happy Birthday DAD!!

Funchilde - isms, Life. Love. Laughs., Lists, Stories, Travel, U.S., Work. Life. Money.

To Whom It May Concern

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Cabs, originally uploaded by shinya.

[1] Dear NY Taxi Cab Drivers, thanks for going on strike during Fashion Week. My 11pm ride on the 6 Train has scarred me for life. I am somewhat ashamed that I pretended to be asleep when the beggar came through the subway car asking for “anything…even a quarter.”

[1a] Dear Philly Taxi Cab Drivers, thank YOU for not going on strike until I left.

[2] Dear Douchebag in front of me on flight 1913, thanks for reclining your seat as far as you could so that I had the best view of your male pattern baldness, couldn’t reach my drink, or open my laptop. Charming.

[3] Dear Miami, please make every one of your residents re-take Driver’s Ed. I’m particularly concerned about their ability to “merge.”

[4] Dear Hampton Inn Manhattan. I love you. Thanks for the USA Today AND the Wall Street Journal. And Breakfast. I want to take you out behind a middle school and get you pregnant*.

[5] Dear Devil Toddler, aside from being the most unpleasant two year old I’ve ever met, I want to thank you for going after my glass of red wine, and flinging most of my delicious, delicious nectar on your grandmother during our flight. She was amused, I am not. You owe me $5.00.

*30 Rock reference

It looks like I’ll be adding Washington DC to that list of places I’ll be visiting this month too!

Funchilde - isms, Lists, Travel, U.S., Work. Life. Money.

On The Road Again (4 Work)

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funny pic from flickr sexxykitty, originally uploaded by funchilde.

[1]
Boston
Philly
New York
Miami
Orlando
Minneapolis

And that’s just THIS month! Fortunately I love what I do, so that makes it easy and I’ve been traveling my entire career except for the very first year, so now I know someone or someplace I love in almost every city I have to visit. Cool.

[2] On the up side I found out that Stella will be in Orlando so we’ll get to cut up in yet another state together. So much for sleep, credit limits, and a healthy diet. I don’t think we could possibly top last year’s shenanigans (sp?) in Atlanta and I’m too old to want to try.

[3] I actually used the phrase “I’m old enough to be your mama.” this past weekend. And it was true. I got carded buying some wine for an event and a 16 year old asked me if I was still in College or Grad School.

[4] Does anybody else love Hampton Inn hotels as much as I do? Probably not, but you should.

[5] Five things I can’t travel (4 work) without:

1. Delsey hardcase rolling suitcase in electric blue.
2. Mentha Lip Shine Lip Gloss
3. Sleep mask for trains/planes
4. iPod
5. A Book

What Five things must you have when you travel? Keep it clean folks!

Bloggie, Funchilde - isms, Life. Love. Laughs.

The Care & Feeding of the Human Heart

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love 3, originally uploaded by funchilde.

I am safe and sound in New Hampshire, that bastion of “Live Free or Die!” attitudes, vests, birkenstocks and oil heat. I can’t believe I’ll be here for 9 months. Of course I have a ton of travel to do for a couple of clients, and possibly some fun stuff on the horizon, but for the most part, I’ll be as settled for the next while as I’ve been in almost two years. Even when I was working on the first phase of this project last year I knew that I was leaving for Semester at Sea even before I began. This time…clear blue skies as far as my mind’s eye can see.

I’ve been welcomed back like a long lost family member, I am overwhelmed at how genuine these people’s love for me seems to be. My affection for them is strong, I missed them deeply. I am happy to be back with my housemates D and J, I love walking the dog in the mornings, cooking every other night, being “the one that washes” while someone else is “the one that dries”, and all of this has got me thinking. More specifically, it has got me thinking about love.

WHAT? YOU, Funchilde? Well, erm yeah. I’m only human.

Can you list/name all the types of love in your life right now? The most intense love I have felt recently has been for my nephew, something about spending so much time together, sharing a room, seeing how my example/guidance/influence impacts his life and choices.

My love for my parents is a constant, like the steady beat of my heart, I couldn’t extract myself from it if I tried, but it is changing. We’re solidly in the “friend” zone, I enjoy their company immensely, would prefer to hang with them over anyone I know, but I also see the tides turning and have one hand on the door that will lead to me taking care of THEM. This is complicated and makes my throat itch to contemplate.

My love for my siblings is changing as well, we are all fully grown adult people. It seems that my baby brother’s wedding has altered him forever in my eyes, I now give him full adult/man credit. But it also highlights that we are on separate paths with little connecting us (we’re now in 3 different states and have been for almost two years) and I can feel the texture of my relationships with them changing, I’m no longer the dominant/eldest child/leader that they must follow, they are free to make their own choices with little to no thought about my opinion. All of this is good, but unsettling like Africa breaking off from Asia to form its own continent.

My love for my friends has matured to the status of Urban Tribe. We are housemates, companions, travel buddies, advisors and pains in the @$$. For my friends that are married (about half) who express (usually minor) envy at my freedom and lifestyle, we validate each other’s choices. I let them know that the grass isn’t greener over here, it just looks that way because they don’t have to mow it. And they do the same for me.

I have also realized how much I am maturing and feel like alot of growth is taking place right now. I am comfortable letting some relationships simmer on low on the backburner, where in the past I would have insisted upon full-on, front burner heat to address the situation. I know that not every person in my circle should receive the same “effort” and consideration, and that I can still love them to pieces and laugh it up when we’re together, without nary a thought about them when we are apart. I know that it isn’t necessary to give all you have, to have all you want.

In terms of romantic love? Today a colleague insisted that she was going to find someone “special” for me (in an effort to keep me here in NH-not because I asked!). I haven’t given up on love, in fact I’m probably second only to my brother in the incurable romantic department, but as I told her..”I don’t want anything until it’s ready and I’m ready…”  I realized that I have a couple of crushes (does anybody else enjoy having crushes? I love it), but these are on the back burner too, because the person I’m most interested in loving right now is me. Not in an arrogant way, but I am beaming inside that I’ve walked away from some potentially crazy situations in the last couple of years, but when you’ve had one bad carnival ride, you start to avoid carnivals, right?

I found out recently that someone I once loved is in a situation that may end, that things aren’t going well and that the dark clouds of a relationship on the decline hover on the horizon. Though I am long over the person/situation, I was so grateful to realize that I was sad that they might be hurting, that the pain of a relationship in distress is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I realized that I don’t care how the situation turns out (that’s not true, I’m such a putz that I actually hope they find a way to work it out), but I didn’t feel any “glee” that they might be in pain. It was one of those times when you can FEEL that you are emotionally healthy (or on the right track). Plus, one of the best things I’ve ever heard is “Resentment is like you drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Thus, I have been blessed with the ability to move on from things/people fairly quickly (note I didn’t say easily..just quickly).

I feel like I’ve made some healthy (and tough) decisions to keep certain situations/relationships platonic. And I mean serious temptation, like…nobody would ever know, different continent, vegas like-“what happens here stays here” stuff. Stuff that would only impact me, and probably not for the better, and I’ve walked away. All I want is the wisdom to keep doing that in every area of my life, but not be closed to the possibility of “crazy about you-can’t live without you-follow you to the ends of the earth-make you waffles every sunday”….love. But mostly I am enjoying BECOMING the right person versus focusing on FINDING the right person.

I would be fine if I were never in another marriage/partnership again. The prospect of “ending up alone” doesn’t scare me like it does some other 30-somethings I know. I guess if you’ve been in a long-term relationship that doesn’t work out, you know that it is better to be single and happy than coupled and miserable, but you also know you can’t say that to anyone who hasn’t been there.

So as for the care and feeding of the human heart? My guess is: first take care of your own heart, then gauge the quality of the relationships in your life (familial, friend, collegial, etc) to determine if you are gaining the skills to help nurture someone else’s. Don’t worry about whether or not the grass is greener, determine the quality of YOUR grass. Then remember that romantic love is 90% being the right person and 10% finding the right person.

But what do I know? Help a sistah out with your thoughts on L-O-V-E.

Bloggie, Family & Friends, Funchilde - isms, Life. Love. Laughs., Stories

Highs & Low(e)s pt. II

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Movin’ on up to a Deluxe Apartment in the Sky

I coerced, conned, bribed, sweetly asked my mom and nephew to help me with the rental apartment turnaround. I promised them a comfy hotel room, several good meals and the accomplishment of a job well done cold hard cash. They were both phenomenal, my nephew primed/painted everything from 4’6 and lower, my mom is a task master organizer extraordinaire. We weeded, swept, scrubbed, painted, dusted and boy did we ache. There’s still stuff left to do, but the prospect doesn’t seem quite so hopeless. My bro is in Tampa, my sister in NC, and my Dad and I both travel so much that the only time we’ve spent together this summer is taking/picking one another up from the airport. So…to my Mom and my Nephew….I couldn’t have done it without you and the check is in the mail*

If I Was A Rich Girl

As is of course standard, anytime I am about to leave the state/country major expensive type things go wrong. My car, Wander Woman, they want $1700 to fix everything that is wrong with her, Dude, the car didn’t even cost close to that. An oil change and some wiper blades should be enough, right? right?

The duplex has sprung a leak….AGAIN, after we replaced the drywall (ourselves) in unit B last fall, the leak has returned and rendered our work all for naught. Anyone who thinks rental property is sexy…run, run like the wind unless you are a talented carpenter/plumber/heating & AC type or have goo-gobs of cash. The sad truth is that I can’t afford NOT to have a mortgage, so I will just continue to thank God/the Lawd/FSM that I have resources to do what I do. And the new carpet that is coming on Thursday? Yeah, that costs more than I paid for the car too.

More About My Nephew

I made a shrimp and (low fat) sausage scampi last night for dinner, my nephew ate a HUGE portion, then went back for seconds. When he finally consented to yield his plate to the dishwasher, I caught him LICKING the plate. I guess it was good. Tonite we’re eating off of paper plates.

*and by that I mean there really is no check, but wasn’t that Denny’s breakfast GOOD?!

Brazil, Funchilde - isms, Photos, Semester @ Sea

Superheroes

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*This is one of my favorite pictures I’ve ever taken. It was on a beach in Brazil and I got about 50 shots of this kid. He was just so beautiful, unselfconcious and totally into what he was doing (bodysurfing).

Here is the text of my short address at the shipboard convocation as requested by popular demand (okay, one commenter).

First, I want to thank you for the honor and privilege of addressing you this evening as a representative of the staff for the Spring 2007 Voyage. To my staff colleagues: I am humbled and I hope to represent you well. To the faculty, it has been a pleasure to support you and to the executive team, captain and crew…without you…we’d still be in Nassau.

As we reflect on this voyage, you’ve probably thought about ways you’ve grown or changed over time. It is natural to think about the man or woman you’ve become or are becoming, and it is no surprise that you might touch upon your childhood self and remember those big dreams you had. Walk with me down memory lane and remember your 7 year old self. For some of us that was less than 2 decades ago, for others it is more than 6 decades ago, but I’d wager that we would almost unanimously agree that one of the things every 7 year old wants to be when they grow up, is a superhero.

Which one did you want to be? Did you create your own persona complete with customized powers and abilities? Did you fly solo or have a team of action hero friends? My favorite superhero was Wonder Woman. Mainly because there were so few examples of girls or women in the superhero world and at 7 years old, she’d do just fine. I loved her lasso of truth, bullet deflecting bracelets and that crown thing that never flew off her head no matter how many flips she did. Most of all I loved her airplane, it was invisible and it was always ready to whisk her anywhere in the world she wanted to go.

At 14 years old, most of us abandoned our superhero dreams. And somewhere along the way we forgot those dreams and we’d never admit we had them in the first place. But let me tell you some things about superheroes. From one superhero to another:

1. Most Superheroes don’t want to be Superheroes. They resist the call to service, they deny their powers and skills, the curse their talents and strengths. We let other people tell us we can’t be extraordinary, and then we tell ourselves we can’t be the one the world is waiting for. We hide behind things like: I’m dyslexic, I’m ADD, I’m ethnic, I’m female, I’m bisexual, I’m bad at math, I’m chubby, I’m broke, I’m lonely. Superheroes are notoriously resistant to acknowledging our power. Because once you acknowledge that you are a superhero, you can never be ordinary again. And to acknowledge that you are “extraordinary” is a terrifying thing. But I know some of you can feel it in your bones right now, and for others you’ve known it for years, some of us may not get it for a while yet. But you KNOW that you are extraordinary. That is the dissonance professor Judy spoke of last night. And as long as you resist, you’ll always feel like something isn’t quite “right”

2. Superheroes aren’t perfect. Each one has their own personal kryptonite. We all have our flaws and imperfections, areas of improvement that we use as excuses for not stepping into all of our power, all of our greatness and all of our responsibility. Know your kryptonite. Whether its alcohol or drugs, food or sex, the internet or an abusive relationship, know your kryptonite and don’t hand the keys to your super powers to anyone else. We are afraid to be exposed as frauds; somebody might figure out that Superman is just a white guy in tights and a tablecloth that he stole from his mamma. Take responsibility for your weak areas and polish, hone and improve those suckers like nobody’s business. Because Superheroes are notoriously hard on themselves, even as we grant grace and assistance to others.

3. Superheroes don’t go it alone. Even the most solitary of the celebrated heroes has a support network. Wonder Woman, as I told you was my favorite, but more than any powers or gadgets it was because she was a founding member of the Justice League. Even superheroes need a community, a family, a place to rest and reenergize. Build yours and guard it religiously. Not everybody you’re hanging out with is ready to be a superhero yet, let them discover at their own pace, but don’t waste your time on those who are clearly not your friends.

Finally, Superheroes don’t always have a plan, they do what they can with what they have and trust their network, they build their skills, they rest, they know their kryptonite and they DO. So know this my fellow superheroes. As we head towards home, in our very own magic transportation vehicle, that whether you are starting a new job, finishing up college, exiting a relationship or re-dedicating your life to a partner, whether you’ve got a million dollars in a trust fund, or you have no idea how you’re going to make it out of the San Diego area, you don’t have to decide what you want to do for the rest of your life. Just decide what you want to do next. Because a superhero’s work is never done.

Culture, Funchilde - isms, Life. Love. Laughs., Lists, Semester @ Sea, Travel, Vietnam

#3: Kids Around the World

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Now, as a self-admitted “own child-a-phobe” I am actually quite enamored of children. Especially other people’s children. I was raised to respect little people as just that…deserving respect and to be heard as much as any adult.

Some people pointed out that I did not blog about some places. Vietnam was one of those. For a few reasons I just didn’t get the chance to share my love of Ho Chi Minh City/Saigon with the world. The main one being that I did my service visits in this port. I spent one day at a School for the Disabled (I’m not sure how I feel about that term, is it right? I mean they taught ME how to tell them my name using American Sign Language (ASL)) and another at a Day School which had kids from all socio-economic brackets.

Those kids wore.us.out. and we loved every minute of it. Kids everywhere are the same, unbiased, affectionate, curious, kind-hearted, hard headed, desiring to give and receive love. I still don’t want any of my own, but I had a great time playing with kids from Brazil to China. Peek-a-boo, the Hokey Pokey…magic, no matter what language barriers separate you. And little boys….all of them, love.love.love.karate. I spent literally about an hour “playing” karate with these two. Thank God for my very own 10 year old nephew. I knew exactly what to do.

We loaded them up with stickers, pens, pencils, bubble gum, toothbrushes and one professor did magic tricks! the funny thing was that most of these kids have NOTHING, school isn’t free so their families are scraping together the $35 US/year it takes to send these guys and girls to school. Makes you appreciate our (admittedly) flawed but free and compulsory system here in the US huh? Anyway, I think that cheesey Whitney Houston song has it right…”I believe the children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way….”  Plus, they’re just so darn cute, it makes you feel like your heart will burst out of your chest.